I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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