There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
