Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize