thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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