All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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