I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
