so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
