dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
