I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
pray to the hookup gods
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
