in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
