I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
