Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
