What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Randomize
