the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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