Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
