I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
3pm strippers are depressing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
