Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
