Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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