Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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