I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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