If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Randomize
