If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
