i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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