I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize