Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
