I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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