He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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