i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
