So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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