I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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