My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
