rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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