I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
