I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
