K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
