Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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