Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
