Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
