That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
