He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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