WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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