I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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