I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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