so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
