i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I intend to get homeless drunk
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
