Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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