she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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