I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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