New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
