Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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