shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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