she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
