dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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