I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
