Nicole vs. Life
please come you make the beer taste better
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
