I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
