There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Are my feet made of real feet?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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