YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
