well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
