i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize