what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
