He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
