May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
