She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
