it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
