Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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