no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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