Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
