Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
