if i can run in heels then i can drive
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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