You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
