They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
