i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
