can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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