a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
