I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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