I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
