I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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