Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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